THE LAST SONG

And so, i called her. Actually, SHE called me, to ask me if i could be a legal witness on her civilian union. I said what y’all know, that I’m going to Morelia, to a course of whatchamacallit administrative. I know she didn’t bought the story but... what am i supposed to say? “I Can’t See You Anymore Because I Love You And It Hurts Me To Death Watching You Get Married With Someone It’s Not Me” when i promised to her i would forget that?, make her uncomfortable by speaking to me, just because she knows every f***ing time i hear her voice, i fall deeper for her? I couldn’t do that to us... and at the same time i know i’m hurting the relationship ‘cause maybe one day she won’t trust me no more. Why is it hard just BEING me?, why can’t i be like my pals, whose bigger complication in life is to find out what they’ll be wearing tomorrow? Once again, I’M SO SORRY, CITLALIC, I’M SORRY I LOVE YOU, I’M SORRY YOU COULDN’T SEE IN ME WHAT I WANTED TO GIVE YOU, I’M SORRY YOU WOULDN’T GIVE THAT FURTHER STEP TO WHAT IT WOULD HAVE MADE US TOGETHER, I’M SORRY I WAS SUCH A COWARD AND STUCK TO THAT STUPIDITY “I’D RATHER BE YOUR FRIEND FOR A THOUSAND YEARS THAN YOUR LOVER FOR FIVE MINUTES”, I’M SORRY I AM THE WAY I AM BUT THAT’S THE WAY IT IS AND EVEN THOUGH I MIGHT CHANGE A THING OR TWO (THOUSAND), I’M JUST THE WAY I’M GONNA ALWAYS BE: IDIOTIC, FUNNY, IRRESPONSIBLE, SAD, ALONE, GRUMPY, MACHO, FEMINISTIC... YOU KNOW ALL THE SIDES IN ME... AND THAT’S WHAT IT HURTS ME THE MOST, ‘CAUSE NO MATTER WHAT YOU SAW IN ME, YOU JUST COULDN’T SEE DEEPER.

I WILL ALWAYS CARRY YOU DEEP INSIDE ME AND I SWEAR THIS IS THE LAST TIME I RUN AWAY FROM YOU. I WILL BE THERE ALWAYS, COME RAIN OR COME SHINE. I JUST NEED TIME; TIME TO GET OVER YOU, TO GET OVER ME, TIME TO DO NOT TRY TO RUN TO YOU WHEN SOMETHING GOOD OR BAD HAPPENS TO ME, TIME TO NOT IMAGINE YOU IN FRONT OF ME, TIME TO LET GO ALL OF THE THINGS I CLING TO THAT REMIND ME SO MUCH OF YOU: YOUR PHOTOS, YOUR LETTERS, YOUR LITTLE PIECES OF PAPER WITH NICE WISHES, THE SONGS THAT YOU USED TO SING, TO ME AND TO YOUR FRIENDS, TIME TO ERASE THE CONNECTION BETWEEN YOUR NAME AND THE PAIN, TIME TO CUT MY LINES FROM YOUR PORT, TIME TO LET GO THE BIRD THAT KEEPS SINGING YOUR NAME, TIME TO GIVE TO HER, THE NEW PERSON IN MY LIFE, ALL THAT’S PILED UP INSIDE ME, DUSTING UP ‘CAUSE YOU DIDN’T WANTED IT. I NEED TIME TO EXPLAIN TO MYSELF THE REASONS WHY TO LET GO OF YOU, TIME TO MARINATE IN MY SORROW AND GRIEF AND THEN SOAKING IN THE JOY OF NO HURTING EVERY SINGLE FUCKING TIME SOMEONE MENTIONS YOU, TIME TO ERADICATE THE PAIN IN MY EYES WHEN I LOOK AT MYSELF IN THE MIRROR AND SEE THE MAN YOU REJECTED, TIME FOR ME, TIME FOR MY FAMILY. TIME TO STOP LOVIN’ YOU AND BE WHAT YOU WANTED ME TO BE: FRIEND, CONFIDENT AND DEFINITELY NOT A LOVER. TIME TO ACCEPT ME THE WAY I AM, TO CHANGE WHAT’S WRONG IN ME AND AMPLIFY THE GOOD, TIME TO STOP BEING SUCH AN IDIOT WHEN YOU ASK ME TO DO ANYTHING AND TIME TO PLEASE YOU IN ANYWAY I CAN, TIME TO STOP LAUGHING AT THE THOUGHT OF US BEING TOGETHER WHILE YOU LOVE ME. I NEED TIME AND JUST TIME TO GET THROUGH ALL THE SHIT THAT I PILED UP IN MY LIFE SO FAR BECAUSE OF YOU. AND I DON’T MEAN TO MAKE YOU FEEL GUILTY... BUT DID YOU KNOW YOU’RE ONE OF THE THREE PEOPLE THAT HAD MADE ME UNABLE TO SUSTAIN HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS? THANK YOU FOR THAT NICE LITTLE GIFT. AND THIS TIME IS TO FORGIVE YOU AND TO FORGET YOU, TO LET YOU GO AND TO TREASURE YOU, TO DO NOT PRONOUNCE YOUR NAME, TO KEEP BLIND TO YOUR PLEAS, TO KEEP DEAF TO YOUR SIREN’S SONG, TO LET GO YOUR HAND FOR HIM TO HOLD... TO STOP BEING YOUR SUPPORT, BECAUSE, YOU KNOW?, I GET TIRED SOMETIMES, EXACTLY WHEN I’M NOT GETTING BACK ANY OF WHAT I’M GIVING IN. I KNOW, I KNOW, I DON’T GIVE TO RECEIVE ANYTHING, BUT I WAS KINDA HOPING THAT SOMEDAY YOU WOULD LOOK DOWN ON ME AND AT LEAST KISS MY CHEEK. WELL, GUESS WHAT?, I’M UP ABOVE, I’M FLYING IN CIRCLES, I’M SOARING WHEREVER I WANTED TO SOAR WITH YOU, I’M ENJOYING THE AIR ON MY FACE AND HAIR, WHICH, BY THE WAY, IS GROWING, JUST THE WAY YOU NEVER LIKED IT. AND I’M THINNER (“I HEAR YOU’RE LOSING WEIGHT... YOU EVER WONDER WHO YOU’RE LOSING IT FOR?...” DAMN YOU, ALANIS MORISSETTE), AND I’M GETTING GIRLS TO FINALLY LIKE ME AND I’M GETTING YOU OUT OF MY MIND. I GUESS THIS IS MY CAST AWAY ENDING. SO, GO ON, CARRY ON WITH YOUR LIFE AND PLANS. I’LL BE AROUND, PERHAPS NOT CLOSE AROUND BUT JUST AROUND. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF... AND TRY NOT TO FORGET ABOUT ME, JUST AS I WON’T FORGET ABOUT YOU. NEVER. EVER. AND, PLEASE, MAHARBA… COME INTO THESE GROUNDS. THEY MIGHT LOOK ROCKY BUT I’VE TRIED TO PAVE THEM JUST FOR YOU. DON’T LOOK AT THESE DUMB WORDS AND BELIEVE I’M TRYING TO BE WITH YOU TO LET HER GO. I WANT TO BE WITH YOU BECAUSE OF ALL THE DIFFERENCES IN OUR LIFES MAKE US SO EQUAL. YOU’RE SUPER SMART, I’M SUPER DUMB, YOU’RE MEGA CUTE, I’M EXTRA SIMPLE, YOU’RE AN EXCELENT CONVERSATION, ALL I CAN THINK OF IS “DE DO DO DO, DE DA DA DA, IS ALL I WANT TO SAY TO YOU”. PLEASE, PLEASE, COME WITH WITH ME, TAKE MY HAND LET’S FLY AWAY.